


Get Used To It

by verdum



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Family, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29447595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verdum/pseuds/verdum
Summary: Phil never really wanted to start a family. He's alright just taking care of his forest alone until he eventually keels over and parenting isn't something he's planning on.There's a kid sleeping in his arms. Phil is so monumentally fucked he can't even comprehend it.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, nope not here
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33





	Get Used To It

Phil rather liked being a forest guardian, really. That didn’t mean he didn’t have complaints about his duty, mainly about the fact it for some reason involved the kidnapping of children, which was really just absurd in his opinion, not to mention morally deplorable. Not that he had ever snagged any, since the humans today thankfully weren’t keen on cursing their kids, but the fact that abduction of minors was something coded into his very nature just kind of rubbed him the wrong way. You know, as it would any reasonable person.

Not only that, he was just not ready to become a father in general, no matter how much the animals called him Dadza (they think it’s funny, the annoying twats). So whenever he remembers, Phil hopes whatever deity watches over him lets him exist without involuntarily becoming a father, because god, he really doesn’t think he can handle children, much less stolen ones.

(The deity watching over him takes his thread and intertwines it with one of a toddler, because unfortunately for Phil, Fate doesn’t care about anything except fucking up people’s lives and good stories.) 

Wilbur Soot isn’t born into a rich household, but his parents are loving and they try to make his childhood the best they can. He’s a delight of a child, talkative and cheerful, always babbling about this and that to anyone willing to listen. Though the Soot family isn’t perfect, it’s enough and for a moment it seems like it’ll last. It doesn’t, of course.

(It doesn’t, because Fate is ruthless and it sets its sight on Wilbur.)

It goes like this.

When Wilbur’s around 18 months, his mother lays in her bed, now a widow, and doesn’t know how she’s going to manage.

About two weeks after his second birthday, she knows she can’t go on like this. She laments to herself, tries to ease her stress by complaining to a wall. “This just isn’t working, I-- I don’t think I can do this. Wil can’t raise himself and I don’t have the time to take care of him. God, at this point he’d probably do better if the forest took him. I’m sure the animals would be better parents than I am.”

In the morning, she goes to check on Wilbur. He’s gone, of course.

(Fate pulls the two strings into a tight knot, a connection that will last for both their lifetimes.)

The kid’s sleeping in his arms. Somehow, it didn’t wake up when Phil appeared in its room, not even when the guardian scooped it out of its bed, which shouldn’t be how children behaved. Should it? Phil was not sure. He knew nothing about kids, always firmly avoiding anything about parenting that could remind him of the fact that this could potentially happen, which, in hindsight, may have not been his best decision, since knowing how to take care of kids would be mighty useful right about now. 

Phil felt it when the kid’s mother gave him to the forest. It was then that something ancient, something that laid in wait inside him for decades, snapped awake. He doesn’t remember much from his brief venture, as he only truly gained control when everything was over, the child (oh my god, what if it doesn’t know its name? Is he going to have to name it?) snoozing in his arms, which he’s still convinced shouldn’t be how kidnapped kids behaved. It’s going to wake up and realize something is wrong eventually, though and oh my god Phil is wildly unprepared for this. What do human children _do?_ Do they need to eat, they probably need to eat, don't they. What do you feed children? 

The kid opens its eyes, looks at Phil, who is suddenly very nervous and very out of his depth, and starts crying. Phil realizes that he’s fucked.

It starts calling out for its mother and it's probably hungry and scared and Phil is panicking and oh no he has to feed it. He sets the kid down. "Five minutes, okay? I'm going to find some food for you." The child doesn't look like it understands. "Five. Minutes", he says in a tone he hopes is gentle. "Stay. Here.", and then he's off to find some food. There should be _something_ here somewhere. 

He ends up finding a handful of berries and decides to try to feed them to the child (what if those are poisonous to humans? what then, huh?). When he comes back to where he set it down he finds it sitting and-- Why does it have dirt in its mouth do humans eat dirt humans _don’t_ eat dirt do they. But even though humans shouldn’t eat dirt the kid is still sitting there, unbothered, shoveling soil into its mouth and Phil wishes he could just quietly return it to its home and be done with this, because _why is it eating dirt that cannot taste good._ He sets down the berries and focuses on getting the child’s hands away from its mouth. He has no idea how to get the dirt out. He looks around for some water and he swears there was a jug right here and- there it is. He washes the kid’s hands and tries to rinse the muck out. The brat doesn’t like that and it lets Phil know by biting him. Hard. It fights back the whole time he’s trying to feed it with more strength than any small child has a right to possess.

When the kid’s finally fed at least a bit, it falls asleep again. On the ground. Phil carries it to his bed, tucks it into his blankets, leaves quietly and uses the peace and quiet to think about how monumentally fucked he is. Still, he’s a dad now, even if the kid technically isn’t his (he thinks about the fact he has no idea how he will explain this whole situation to a two year old) and he’s just going to have to manage, whether he likes it or not. Maybe the library will have books on parenting? Or something? Stars, this is already a nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for tagging people that aren't in yet, but i promise they'll show up within a few chapters. this fic is mostly SBI centric, but they aren't the only ones who will make an appearance :)
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated


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